I have put off posting an update of life for the last two months--mainly because it has been a tough road for me. And I don't like to sound complainy. Yet things have really been stretching for me. That's just being honest. And it has been wonderful at the same time. For a time we were dealing with a colicky little baby--seriously not sleeping a wink all night long some nights. Thus, sometimes I've had a hard time really having faith that I can do this. When Claire was awake she would likely be screaming....not crying, screaming. And I was having the hardest time with patience with my entire family as a result of it all. That season of our lives we considered ourselves to be in "survival mode." The mode where only the basics are being met. Maybe one meal being put on the table, maybe a couple of chores done a day--mostly picking up, etc. Whew. It was rough. Claire got a pretty bad cold at 3 weeks; we had a home teacher come over and assist Jed in giving her a blessing. After the blessing, Drew spoke words of wisdom. He told Claire "this was part of Heavenly Father's plan for her." It was as if those words were resonating in my mind and things clicked. That was Heavenly Father's plan for her, and my having a tough time was also His plan for me. I learned more about Heavenly Father's timing and that He can "fix" things for us.....but He doesn't always. He allows us to be strengthened by struggling through life sometimes. And I probably think I'm on my own, but I know He is there more than I realize. The next morning she had tremendously improved. We were so grateful. Then we found the magic pacifier at around 5-6 weeks and things started looking up. We also discovered she liked to fall asleep in her swing. Halelujah! Her temperment has improved drastically.
Then I got sick. In fact, I'm just on the downhill after 2 1/2 weeks. It has been awful--walking pneumonia. No one else in my family got it, which in my mind just goes to show how your immune system just can't fight when you are on such little sleep after having a baby. It covered the whole spectrum of symptoms, from fever and chills to stomach flu symptoms, to hives, to a terrible cough with crud in my lungs, etc.
Most of the symptoms happening simultaneously. I had so much crud in my lungs that made me cough constantly that I had to try to sleep sitting up for several days. But you just can't sleep sitting up while you cough constantly. So I am very very grateful I am starting to feel better and have started sleeping laying down again.
I feel like I have had a lot to learn about myself. I feel humbled to the dust. I am in awe of people who have chronic medical issues and deal with them so well and live a semi-normal life. I am totally in awe of mothers of large families. My hat goes off to these people. I know my trials are so small, so small in comparison with so many people surrounding me. Yet I feel so weak (spiritually) that I cannot handle my own in a better manner. Eternally speaking I feel so "young," and so "green." I have so much to learn, so much to experience before I become the person Heavenly Father knows I can become. But I want so much to strengthen my faith that I can know that I can do this. I really am so blessed. I have felt the tender mercies of the Lord and they mean so much to me. I am so grateful for those little moments that remind me that Heavenly Father is aware of me, that this is part of His plan for me, and that things will improve.
1 year ago