This word has been on my mind a lot the last couple of days. And it has meaning on so many different levels. In particular, I've been thinking of what it means to me in the sphere of mothering. I wish I could say that I have perfect perspective. I wish I could say that I think eternally if something really is worth my time and effort, all the time. But I can't. So much of the time I find myself just struggling to stay afloat, and then after a whirlwind of a day I think to myself, "what did I actually do today? What did I do that made a difference?" Sure I mopped the floor, scrubbed the toilet, folded a couple loads of laundry, made meals for everyone in our family and some neighbor kids, paid bills, picked up the kindergarten car pool, went to an appointment, helped the kids with their homework, cleaned up countless messes, and changed several diapers, etc. But what did I really do?
Don't get me wrong, we certainly would notice if I decided not to do any of the above listed things. They are important in their own right. But, I want to make sure that I am actually making a difference in my childrens' lives every day, even if it is in some small way. If I am not careful, I can go about a days business without taking a moment to "be there" with my kids. Things have definitely gone up a notch in busy-ness the last couple of weeks....but still....if I am not carving out time to be with them every day, I fear my perspective is out of whack. I should be more careful to take into account the real purpose of what I am doing. Why am I a mom? What do I want my relationship with my kids to be like when they are teenagers? What are my hopes for my children? I really want the eternal perspective to be at the forefront of my mind every day.
Maybe I could take a break every so often from the chores with my little ones to read a few stories together. To cuddle and tell them why I love them so so so much. Ask them what they want to do for the next 20 minutes, and then do it! Ask them out of the blue if they will play barbies with me ....or something else they really want me do, but know I am making dinner so they don't ask. I want to take the time to be with them. I want them to know that even though life gets crazy, that they take precedence over a sparkling clean toilet or whatever else.
I am certainly not there yet. I have a long way to go, but that is the mom I want to be.
11 months ago