Definitions...

Drew came and asked me what "violent" meant.  Having just had a FHE on media last night, we did discuss its meaning quite recently.  I explained once again that violence is hitting/punching or anything physically mean.  Then he walked up to me--looking quite confused--with the Friend magazine open to a primary song--The Lord Needs Valiant Servants.  I picked up on his confusion and chuckled while I explained that it was "valiant"  not "violent!"  Just a small word change sure changes the essence of the song:  "The Lord needs 'violent' servants, to do His work in the latter-days.  Who follow the teachings of Jesus, and serve His people in a loving way.".......Not quite the effect the song was hoping for.

My LIfe with Five

So, I had to record what it has been like the last few weeks around our place.  I'm going to be raw and honest here....sometimes I'm so busy writing about events and such that I don't always write about the nitty gritty.  To be sure, things are definitely not all sunshine and rainbows around here, but there are definitely wonderful moments to be found too.  These last few weeks we have seen:
-all my children completely enamored with their infant little sister.  Tiny fingers, toes, cute yawns, grunts, fuzzy hair, kissable chubby cheeks, even the tiny soiled diaper packages are "cute!"
-Lily absolutely adores her baby "kah" as she calls her.  She always asks "where baby go?" if I'm not holding her. She loves to also poke her eyes out, put her tiny fists in her mouth-as I hold my breath-because Lily is a big biter--she hasn't done it yet.  She likes to climb all around me as I'm nursing.  That isn't as big of a problem now that I am not in intense pain while I feed her anymore.
-I think I would opt to go through labor twice without an epidural than to go through labor and then deal with nursing issues, tailbone pain, lack of sleep, after labor contractions, and everything else that goes on after birth.  I don't take any pain medication until about the third day after I deliver a baby, if that says anything.  I think the hardest part about having a baby is what comes after!! 
-I have certain children majorly pushing the envelope.  We've had the most arguing and fighting our home has ever seen.  I always feel like just shouting "stop fighting!!"  ok and sometimes I do....but that never works.  And I know that, but to someone completely sleep deprived, it's as if those words just jump out of my mouth all on their own.
-I have done my darndest to make the most of this summer.  Even though my darndest isn't what I had hoped for this summer.  I am trying, and hopefully my kids feel that.  How is it that a month of summer has come and gone anyway?!
-We had a summer schedule and made summer goals that have ended up being quite loose. 
-I have tried to slow down at home, but then life just keeps on going....laundry still piles up, children still need to be bathed, floors still need to be swept, meals still need to be cooked, childrens needs still need to be fulfilled.......so I haven't really figured out how to really slow down when things just keep rolling.
-I got my best nights sleep last night.  Claire woke up 3 times to eat and then she fell back asleep with no crying spells!!!  AMAZING!  I will take it.
-Jed let me take an evening nap while he did FHE with all five children, cleaned up after dinner, read scriptures with the kids, and put them to bed.  It just felt so good to have a couple of hours detached from any needs and get some sleep.
-I always feel as if I have so much to learn about mothering after having a baby.  I guess it just comes with the territory of learning how to run a household with a new number of children.  I always feel spread so thin in the beginning.  These are familiar feelings.  I know in time things will improve.  Poor Jed has only had me make his lunch a handful of times in the last 3 weeks!!
-I have successfully completed a large shopping trip with all 5 children.  We had 2 carts going and some delegating going on to make it all function.  And it worked!  (knock on wood)...
-I have now learned:  don't plan to leave the house before noon, and start dinner at breakfast time if you want to have a nice dinner when the hubby gets home from work!!
-I am so grateful to all those who graciously made meals for our family over the last few weeks.  As we have added more children to our fold, it just seems like it means more to me every time.  It is just such a humongous help!
-We have made it through 2 sacrament meetings now.  Church is quite the juggling act!  It is a whole lot of work to get everyone there and through it all.  I'm just so so so so so grateful that our church switched over to the 11:00 time from 9:00 the day before Claire was born.  Tender mercy.  Seriously.
-Claire is a snuggle bug.  And I absolutely love it.  She smiles when I talk to her.  Today she smiled the biggest longest smile at Drew and it made him so happy his "eyes watered."  It was totally precious. 
-Drew and Madelyn have stepped it up a notch in the helping department.  They've filled sippies, been the referee in Han/Lil fights, gotten Lily dressed, even changed a diaper or too--wet ones.  :)
-I have also learned it takes a lot of effort and positive thinking for me not to break down in tears over feeling exhausted and guilty for not being a better mom.
-Through everything, I do feel extremely blessed.  We are so lucky to have this new little girl who was definitely supposed to be a part of our family.  She is such a beautiful and sweet girl.

I am grateful that Heavenly Father stretches us.  I always feel quite humble and reliant on Heavenly Father after becoming a new mom again--and even more so on my fifth time.  I know I can't do any of this alone.  He knows that too!!  I know I receive more help than I even realize.  I know if I turn to Heavenly Father that all of these experiences will smooth out some of my rough spots.

Our little one is here!

So, yes we have had our baby!!!  Let's just say that blogging has not been top priority and trying to maintain sanity has been!  :)  Unfortunately, my camera is not communicating with my computer and it won't let me load my pictures!!  I will definitely get some on here when I can figure things out... Our little Claire Kathleen was born June 4th at 8 lb 13 oz and 21 inches long.  (A word of caution:  this is going to be a big post, but I like to remember details, so continue at your own risk!)  Awaiting her arrival was quite eventful.  About a week and a half before she was due, we were headed up to Swan Valley for a scout campout when I started having regular contractions at 7 minutes apart the whole drive there.  They were significant in the moderate pain department so Jed and I laughed as we imagined the possibilities......He was to conduct sacrament meeting on Sunday, and conduct a couple meetings and was in charge of the Eagle Court of Honor that night, plus the other counselor was out of town (poor bishop)--not to mention we'd have to leave the campout.  Then nothing.  I had been measuring a week ahead of time for a couple weeks so that kind of got us thinking about the possibility of an early arrival--I should never do that!!  Jed was working out of town during the week leading up to my due date and so it drove my stress level up a notch or two every time he would leave....just so many "what-ifs" your dealing with when awaiting a baby!!  I'm sure Heavenly Father was rather confused with me, hearing me pray to have a baby...then praying to not have a baby when Jed was gone!  Jed was out of town a couple of days past my due date, and I was starting to be so nervous about having to admit myself into the hospital and answer all of those questions during hard labor......
     Anyway, I learned some valuable lessons about Heavenly Father being in charge and trusting in Him and His timing. The Dr. scheduled me to be induced a few days after my due date (not something I really wanted to do) and I asked him if I we could delay a little.  He consented to let me push it back one day, Friday.  I had not felt settled about going in on Thursday, but for some reason Friday felt good, even though my ideal was to wait until Monday.  Friday came and we dropped the kids off at grandmas, and were headed to the hospital.  We stopped by one store on the way to the hospital and as we were about ready to leave, we got a phone call from the Dr.'s office saying the Dr. had an emergency and couldn't induce that day.  What a relief/disappointment.  It's hard to get hopes up and get crushed, yet at the same time that is what I wanted to do was wait until Monday anyway.  I saw it as a blessing and knew Heavenly Father was in charge.  Then I would be one week late and I was sure the baby would come on her own!  It was so confusing to the kids to have us come back with no baby!
      The baby did not come on her own, and I was so nervous to be induced.  I like to have babies naturally and I have heard so many horror stories about pitocin cranking up the pain.  Everything ended up going wonderfully and I didn't get an epidural.  They started me just with a little pitocin and only raised the amount three times.  The doctor broke my water a couple of hours after I was started and things just took off.  When I was to a 7 they called the doctor and it was a good thing they did.  I kept telling Jed I didn't know if I could wait, but luckily, he got there just in time and was actually holding the baby's head while reaching for some supplies....just in the knick of time I guess.  With one push she was out!  And boy does that girl have some good lungs.  She just cried and cried until they gave her to me and when I started talking to her she quieted down--so sweet!!  She is such a little beauty and we love her so much!!!

Fishing

I have a lot of catch up to do...as always.  We went fishing to a beautiful nearby place on a Friday night.  It was the perfect night.  The weather was warm and nice and our fishing spot had a little bit of a hike to get in--which I am always in favor of--and it turned out to be such a nice low key night.

 We saw geese with their baby goslings, so very very cute!

 There was a lot to keep the little ones busy.  They liked picking up different colored shot gun shells--this place was also a popular duck hunting spot. There were cactuses and ant hills.... 

 ....and of course fishing.  Though we weren't fully equipped that night with worms, we did our best with some fake ones.  We had no success with the actual fishing, but it was just a fun place and a beautiful night that no one even cared!

 I had to get a picture of Hannah's backside.  Yep, those pants are clearly on backwards.  And did this mom care to fix it?  Nope!  Some things just don't matter to me so much any more. 

And to top it all off, we got to see a bald eagle fly right past us.  My timing in taking the picture wasn't so great....but you get the idea.  

I love nights like this.

Weekend trip

A few weeks ago, we stocked up the camper and headed to Swan Valley for a quiet little camping weekend with just us.  We had a lot of fun.  It was quite the adventure as there was quite a bit of raining with intermittent dry spells.  Luckily, the weather cooperated so we had just enough outside time for the essentials...like roasting hot dogs and smores.  Drew built the fire himself, and I just helped him catch the logs on fire.  He did a great job, what a scout!

Warming up by the fire.

Our littlest camper.

We managed to roast a few smores, then opted to microwave the rest because the rain got heavier.... :)

Jed cooked us his signature mountain man hash for breakfast. 

Drew took the motorcycle out for quite a ride.  He was out there in the very chilly morning riding by himself, then following Jed and the girls in the go-kart.

They had a good ride and were quite ready to warm up when they were finished.

As everyone else was out and about riding, I took myself out on a nice quiet walk.  It was wonderful and everything was so beautiful, green, and fresh from the rain.  It was a good time for me to enjoy some nature and alone time.

Jed gave Madelyn her first lessons on the motorcycle, which ended up in an unexpected wheelie with some tears.  So he took her on a ride and that seemed to remedy any fearful feelings.  We'll try again another time....

Lily loves this top bunk, but she gives me a heart attack constantly when she is up there because she just loves to live on the edge!

Madelyn picked these pretty flowers for me and did a nice floral arrangement with them.  :)  I get flowers all the time from my little girls! 

It was a great camping trip and SO nice to just get away and enjoy our family being together.

Little Troublemaker

 Yep, jar of peanut butter on the carpet.  And happy as can be about it in her little cave.

 This girl is not going to get sunburned any time soon.

 Good thing she is such a little cutie!

For a girl who absolutely despises brushing her teeth, she has a fettish with everything involved in the process...  Whenever there is a down moment, she will be found here, feet in the sink--either shredding toilet paper into a filled sink of water and clogging the drain, or squeezing out a tube of toothpaste and giving art a try on the mirror and counter. 

That's my girl.

I am lucky.

I am one lucky girl.  I have the best job in the world.  Though every day is somewhat similar, certainly no two days are alike.  My life is full of adventure.  I get to rub shoulders with the greatest people every day.  I am a mother!!

Jed asked me last night right before bed on Mother's Day, what my favorite thing about being a mother is...and I told him it is in those small moments that fill your heart to the brim with love and joy.

Motherhood is made great at times when:

• Lily is brought into my bed when she woke up as Jed got up for his early morning meetings on Sunday.  In a bright and cheery voice she says "hi momma!"  Then she grabs my arm and hugs it firmly while she jabbers a little bit more then drifts back to sleep.
• Drew says he doesn't think he will be able go to sleep on Mother's Day Eve because he is so excited to give me the present he made for me at school.  And receiving his gift first thing in the morning when he woke up.
• I listen to Hannah in the back of the car, trying to impress her siblings with how high she can count.  1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11...over and over again.  Then Drew finally saying 12, and she cues right back in with 13-14-15-16-19-20-and finally ends up at 40.  And saying "pretty high, huh!"  Boy does that girl ever want to win and be the best at things!
• Madelyn was not being to even wait until mother's day to give me her present.  She gave it to me right when she got home from school on Friday.  She was about bursting at the seems for a week or two to not tell me she was growing a seed at school for me. 
• I see Drew, Madelyn, and Hannah all hold hands as they went up to the stand in church to sing their Mother's Days songs.  I loved seeing them all together right in the front, Hannah's head barely being able to see over the edge...all singing and smiling right at me.  Best Mother's Day gift ever.
• Overhear Hannah's bedtime personal prayer in the hallway, "please bless me to find my ducky.  Please make my teddy bear safe and that Rufus can't get it (that's our neighbor's dog...notorious for taking things and leaving other not so pleasant gifts on our sidewalk and lawn) and please help me to get bigger because I am little."  Melts my heart.
• Receive all of their mother's day papers from church.  When Hannah gave me hers, she told me "I drew you mad........and I ate your treat."  So Hannah, and so funny.
• I watch Lily's personality blossom and seeing her cute little mannerisms.   She loves to shrug her shoulders up and down over and over and say "I know"  (I don't know).
• I see Madelyn read to her little sisters, or help pick pokies out of a sisters foot, or comfort a little one when they are sad.

These are the things that make motherhood shine.  I love Mother's Day because it allows me to reflect on how wonderful being a mother is, how grateful I am for those who are mothers to me, and for those who fill in the gaps in my abilities and mother and teach my children, and it seems to recharge my batteries and reminds me that motherhood is truly the most important calling/responsibility I will ever have.  It fills me with gratitude and humility that I have been given this responsibility.

Of course there are the other kind of moments.  The moments that make me want to pull my hair out, or throw in the towel, or make me want to spend the rest of my day in time out......but those moments fade and I am still left with those joyful moments that are still able to shine through some of those most frustrating times.

Even though I have a lot to learn and much growth yet to be experienced in the motherhood department, I still feel like I am one lucky girl.